The list of me.

Filling out Megan's mini-questionnaire in my last post made me want to write more about myself. It's very easy for me to ramble on about, well, anything. I figure, if I'm going to ramble anyway, I might as well tell people useful information. Because, I'm sure you don't care what the beam spread of a 26 degree Source 4 Ellipsoidal stage light is, right?

1. I can't make decisions easily. I attribute it to the fact that I'm a Libra, a moon-sign are famous for that trait. But, it's true. If I can make a decision about something at all, it will generally take a long time. I will mull things over, look at the situation from all angles, think about how I'll feel after I've decided, and just generally check and double-check my thinking. I will hesitate, go back and forth, but I won't usually tell what I'm thinking until I'm sure of it. Then, I will decide, and that will usually be my final decision. It generally has to be, because if I waver, I'll have to go through the whole deciding process again. I consider this to be a character weakness. Some people would say that it's good to be slow and careful, but honestly, it gets in the way more than anything else. Especially when the decision is something stupid like what do I want to order off a menu, and I can't choose!

2. I'm a generous person. I want to share with you. I want to lend you my things, give you gifts, cook you food, take you out for drinks. I remember details, and will incorporate things I know about you in my plans. It generally makes me happy to make you happy.

3. I'm extremely nerdy. I like science. I play video games. My head is almost always buried in a book. I'm proud of my nerdiness. I will defend my World of Warcraft playing, and not hide it. I will unabashedly tell you that I'm a database consultant and that it's awesome. I don't care if I'm a girl and we don't do that stuff. I don't care if you think video games are the devil. I like being a little weird and different.

4. I have Bi-Polar Disorder. If you read my blog or are close to me, you probably know this already. I go on and off medication for it. I have years/cycles that are better or worse than others. The majority of my life consists of extremely normal days with the occasionally weird one where I feel unreasonably depressed or (rarely) unreasonably manic. I get overly-emotional over some things and suffer from some anxiety because of the Bi-Polar as well. These days, 99% of the time it's completely controllable and doesn't affect my life in any way. 1% of the time, I cry for no reason or become oddly irrational. But, hey, doesn't everyone do that occasionally?

5. I like to clean. Really, I do. I'm not offering to do your dishes to be nice (well, maybe a little) - I just really like doing dishes. Most cleaning (save for vacuuming) relaxes me and gives me time to think about things - usually a story that I'm cooking up to write. I don't mind getting on my hands and knees and scrubbing the floor. It's my mellow time.

6. I'm afraid of heights. Funny, right, since I used to do lighting design and technician work? My fear isn't paralyzing. Actually, if I'm working up high for a while, I can get over most of the fear and manage to get acclimated to it. That goes away if I don't do it for a while, though. These days, I'm never up high for long, so that means I'll be quite scared when looking over the side of a mountain, riding a chair lift, etc.

7. I'm also afraid of the dark. It's okay, you can laugh a little. I used to get horrendous nightmares, and now I'm afraid of the dark. Sleeping with someone helps. Leaving the window open so that I can see the streetlights and hear the cars helps. Watching something, reading something or hearing something completely innocuous before bed (ie. not something scary) helps.

8. I love dressing up. I love any excuse to put on a nice dress and heels and go out. I love eating at fancy places, going dancing, or otherwise doing things that require me to look fabulous.

9. I like to talk aloud to solve my problems. I don't usually do this at work or in crowded locations, but it really helps me to talk things out when I'm dealing with something. I like to speak dialogue aloud if I'm writing a story - I can figure out if it sounds natural or not. I like to tell my love problems to the grapefruit I'm cutting up on the counter. (That grapefruit gives great advice!) Sometimes I talk to my cats. Yup, I'm a little crazy - but you knew that from number 4.

10. I look down on people who are mean to service-industry workers. Do not be mean to the waitress, hairdresser, bell boy, shoe shiner, etc., in my presence. They are providing a service for you. I don't care if it's "their job" - that doesn't give you the right to be rude or ignorant. More than likely, they are doing something that you would never want to do. What that means is that they probably deserve your respect even more.

11. I love to dance. Honestly, I wish I could dance as well as Shakira, but even though I can't, that doesn't mean I don't love a good night out dancing at a club. If the music has a catchy beat and I have a good partner, I could literally dance all night.

12. I'm a Grammar Nazi. I also look down on people who use bad spelling, punctuation, syntax and grammar around me, whether it's on the internet or not. I know people make mistakes or don't know every single obscure rule there that exists. Even I make unthinking mistakes, or intentionally ignore recognised rules because I think they are dumb. But, really, if I can't read your writing because it's all one sentence with no capitalisation, punctuation, and half the words are spelled using one letter, I'm probably going to raise my eyebrows and you'll go down a notch in my book. I don't care if you think that's pretentious; learn how to communicate.

13. I love animals. I love all animals. From cats and dogs all the way up to horses and all the way down to snakes and everything in between and beyond! I'm interested in animal health and behavior, and will spend hours reading about animals or observing them.

14. It is extremely easy to hurt my feelings. I'm very emotional. I want constant reassurance. I honestly do want to be liked and try my hardest to achieve that. I don't like being left out of things, or lied to.

15. I'm intentionally politically apathetic. I don't vote, I don't align myself with any political party, and, generally speaking, I try to not notice what's going on in that realm of stuff. I just don't care. I'm not interested. I don't want to learn about it, and I don't want to make uninformed judgments or decisions. I just want to be left out of it. This isn't up for negotiation, and I'll really hate you if you waste my time (and yours) trying to convince me to care. I've heard every argument. Now leave me alone.

16. I think the work I do is very important. I provide database/data solutions and advice for companies in the financial industry. If you are a serious investor working with any investment managers or funds in the northeast, chances are that my company is behind some of their data decisions and business intelligence. I think that what my company does helps drive good decision-making in finance. You're welcome. (:

17. Flowers, chocolates, hugs and good food can fix any problem. Period.

18. I love to write with a pen and paper. I know, it's less efficient and a lot more annoying, but sometimes I just really like to sit down with a notebook and a good pen and write away from my computer. I used to do it more often, but since I've gotten two computer and an iPhone, it's less necessary. It's still quite fun and relaxing, though. I admire beautiful notebooks and pens all the time and promise that some day I'll get one.

19. I love driving. I like just hopping in the car and going. With good music (or a good audio book) on a good day, I could literally drive for hours and hours. Especially highway driving, where I can pick up speed and just cruise. It doesn't necessarily matter where I'm going, either, I just like to go.

20. Songs and quotes resonate very strongly for me. I will often attach a quote or song with a person, event, season, or day, and then every time I hear it, it will bring me back to that moment. This is more bad than good; generally the sad things stick more than the good ones. It is then very hard to break that connection. A good number of songs have been ruined for me because of this weird emotional attachment. I was told by a friend once that I "felt more" than anyone he knew. I wonder if he's right.

That's all for now. There are many more things to know about me; these were mostly just chosen at random.